‘Morning pages’ was picked up from reading the book The Artist’s Way—a daily ritual where you spend some time writing down anything and everything that comes to mind… it doesn’t matter what, just writing something is the goal. At first this was a daunting task but I learned that even if the first few sentences are gibberish… things eventually find their way to the page and you uncover a lot about yourself and what’s taking space in your brain. It’s been very therapeutic for me, so I wanted to share in case anyone is interested in reading the book/or even just trying this ritual out yourself!

It had been a few weeks since I woke up to write, and this past weekend I noticed that some thing have compounded and I needed to get back to my notebook to unload/realign myself. I thought I would share some of the thoughts that spilled out today… to see maybe if this could be a fun post to publish every once in awhile. I’ve had a lot of epiphany moments that I think could be fun to share (this one isn’t really one of them, but a good example of what they can look like!) so here we go.

This weekend I felt overwhelmed by emotions of confusion and a little bit of anxiety. I didn’t realize leading up to this mini breakdown that things had been going south internally, but now I look back and it makes sense. One thing I have learned about myself over the years, is that it’s good for me to write out or talk through the small hiccups that come up vs brushing them under the rug, as to not let them pile up like this. I also have been pretty spot-on with what my pregnancy apps say I should expect by week… right as I hit the third trimester, my hormones came knocking… some added drama! Since I hadn’t addressed why I have felt more distracted lately… it all hit me at once and I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly was upsetting me in that moment. But then I took a step back and dug deeper.

I  realized that I set up expectations on how I hope to see things unfold in the next couple of months. I have a countdown on my phone to our due date and while I look at it everyday with teary eyes because I am so excited to meet her, I think my mental to-do list has caused some underlying stress. Lately, I’ve felt that there are a whole lot of moving parts that I can’t really control right now. Our yard update and some issues happening around it. Planning a backyard celebration for baby H (sending out an invite felt kind of sad because I kept asking myself—do we even do this? Is it safe/worth it? Which isn’t a good feeling when you’re wanting to celebrating something special and monumental in your life). Things I would like to accomplish before she arrives around the home in terms of prepping so we feel relaxed and comforted in our newborn bubble and also, of course, educating ourselves over the home stretch so we feel as prepared as we can as her parents.

I feel like I am usually pretty good at letting go of worries and just rolling with the flow of things—but thinking with the hormones and baby on the way, emotions are a little heightened at the moment.

Resolution: take *one step at a time. Do things each day that help to keep a clear mind (like morning pages) and know that everything will get done. Also, a little reminder to continue to practice and learn to *let go* of thing out of my control… need this valuable tool as a new mom.

I have noticed such a tremendous difference writing daily… it really allows you time to get to the bottom of things, feel more self-aware, and clean up the clutter taking up unnecessary space. Highly recommend it! xx

thoughts, ideas, questions...

It’s lovely that you are able to find solace and clarity in your morning pages. I haven’t done the traditional Artist’s Way morning pages for years now, but I do journal every morning, and you have inspired me to be more intentional on the page and to give myself more time to do so. Normally I just get past the banal and it’s time to wake my boys up or get started on my day in earnest.

Covid has put such a damper on the gatherings that should feel so joyous and celebratory, and I so empathize that you are experiencing this. I cannot wait for a cold to just be a cold again, and for baby showers and weddings and all the other wonderful and joyful reasons we congregate together to be without stress or uncertainty. What a crazy time this is, and yet, I do believe that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel!

Seems like you and I had similar weekends! I’m in my second trimester and we so overjoyed about meeting our babe. However, this last Friday night, I could not sleep due to all the worries and underlying stress I have been stuffing deep down inside. Funny how they always find their way out around 2am. I got myself out of bed and simply cried and journaled my heart out. Writing it out in my journal definitely helped me see more clearly and make a better self care plan…which includes spending more time outdoors, getting more diligent about my morning matcha and journaling time, and doing more fun things with my girlfriends. As pregnant mamas, we definitely need support in ways we didn’t need before…thanks hormones.

It’s Ashley* not Ashkey 😉

Michelle Kendall

Sending loads of gratitude to you for sharing this post. I have struggled with finding my voice and feeling heard — and because of this process I have learned that I am my best listener. Looking forward to thinking about/adding ‘Resolutions’. Great tip! xx