Performing for an audience of one

Inspiration can come by way of quiet whispers or awe-inducing and grand ephiphanic moments—this book falls into the latter level. Rick mentions how people advised him not to write this kind of book, and I am immensely grateful he did not listen.

I live for when this feeling takes over me—it’s unlike anything else I’ve experienced. It comes every so often in my life and reminds me how much I love being moved. When something comes along and completely shifts your perspective on the spot and speaks to you—like it found its way in your hands at the most fortuitous time.

Something I’ve known for awhile now, is that I’ve been holding myself back. While reading, I took in new perspectives I had not thought of which felt like magic to absorb… but also some things I already knew deep down. Sometimes, hearing someone else say it out loud in their own words is the wake up you need…

There are a couple of things that have slowly added weight to my shoulders. The first being life in the pandemic. Before our worlds turned upside down, my days had a flow to them and I created from a light-hearted state. It took me awhile to master my process, but I had at this point of time and it was an incredible feeling. I shared on the whim as  daily life unfolded and things struck me, and it always remained genuinely exciting for me. Once shelter in place happened and truly terrible things were happening to the collective world, it was difficult to continue on as usual for many reasons. And because this corner of the internet is also my livelihood, I had to improvise—but my new process felt unnatural.

Pregnancy and postpartum and learning to be a new mom in the following year or two. I started to let everything feel heavy. I went from happy go lucky to taking everything too seriously. We all went through a lot of change and challenge through the last few years. Having a lot of time pass us by, habits and thinking about things in a certain way, can impact us. Finding the way back to ourselves can take time while de-programing whatever beliefs and limitation we have installed.

I don’t want to forget about the most ridiculous piece of the equation. With years of experience of Instagram as a work tool—and place to share my perspective. I fell into the trap of believing that metrics = value. I let “likes” and engagement tell me when something is a good thing or not so much. I know how asinine this is! But I also believe it is a burden to a lot of us. Over time, my mind went from ‘having fun and enjoying the process’ to thinking about outcomes and performance. Which only further derailed me from my path and purpose.

Part of me knows this stuff just simply doesn’t matter. It means nothing. But there’s an inkling of me that has let it affect me. It has stopped me from creating and sharing—because I overthink and self-doubt wins. I used to snap photos like it was my last day on earth—in awe of everything around me… and I noticed I just don’t as much anymore. Because “it won’t be good enough” or “I’ve already captured something like it”. And that makes me cry. That just isn’t me.

But this book has widely opened my eyes and heart again and I feel like I have dissolved this backwards way of thinking and limiting myself. Besides literally turning off “likes”, I needed the reminder that at the end of the day I am “performing for an audience of one”.

Back when I first started blogging at age 15, I didn’t create with any outcome in mind. I didn’t have an audience. I did it because it brought that grand feeling of being moved by something. I didn’t put pressure on myself to perform a certain way. I didn’t place expectations on my work or allow doubt to hold myself back. It was always for the fun of it. To play, experiment, awaken my soul, make my own rules up as I go.

I recently heard someone say, as humans, we evolve many times in our lives—an old version of us dies and a new one is born. I have felt like this was close to happening to me for a while now… and I’ve been very ready! After immersing myself in Rick’s book and letting things go I’ve been holding onto…. I felt the shift I’d been waiting for. I was able to peacefully let go of a version of myself to start over again with fresh eyes and excitement for the limitless potential of life and creation.


“Success occurs in the privacy of the soul.”


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