“I Can Change”

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7 months ago

Last night I was reading Mama Zen—a book in my baby/motherhood stack and was so inspired by the authors words…

First, I have to say, this book is completely up my street (thank you so much to the reader who recommended it to me!). So far it’s all about perspective and mindset through the journey of pregnancy and life as a new mom. Basically like the Eckhardt Tolle of baby books… yes please. It has already given me such comfort and I’m only a handful of chapters in so far.

I wanted to share a piece that really stuck with me (and I hope sticks around forever!) and it’s not just for mom’s to be/moms in general! It’s an amazing way to shift your perspective in a pinch (when you are able to).

The author was talking about how her 2 year old was going through a phase where she would throw a temper tantrum by banging her head on the hardwood floor (lol) and how one day she was doing the dishes and this happened.

Instead of allowing herself to get frustrated or feel resentful of this situation at hand, she said to herself… I can change. I don’t need to do the dishes right now…

Her whole point here was that we place expectations on ourselves and feel unaccomplished or as if we failed if we don’t meet these expectation. Like doing a chore, something in which we do not have to get done. Shift your perspective to what *actually matters. Here’s a little passage that I highlighted.

“But just for the record, there are many things you can do besides finish the dishes. Here are two: first, take a breath; second, tell yourself, I can change.

You can change in an instant. You can change your mind. You can change your timing. You can change your approach. You can change your words. You can laugh instead of scream. You can hop on one foot. You can step away from the fray instead of stepping in. You can give up, give in, and go in a completely different direction than you’d like to. You can do the dishes later.

You are change. You have infinite power to relax, to release, to change, and thus to change everything.”

The impact of a mental-shift is just so powerful. Okay, since I am waxing poetic on this book, a few more things I’ve highlighted around motherhood that resonated with me. If you’re expecting, I highly recommend this one!

On the first few weeks with a newborn:

“It is important that you place no expectations on yourself during this period than the world expects of you. The world expects nothing of you except to stay home, feed your child, and steal whatever sleep you can.”

On fatigue as a new mother:

“When you’re tired, be tired. In other words, don’t exaggerate, contemplate, bemoan, or otherwise involve yourself with it. Don’t reject it, don’t despise it. Don’t inflate it with meaning or difficulty. Be what you are: be tired.

Exhaustion is not a strategic spot from which to defend your turf. It’s not the best place to start drawing lines and setting limits. It’s not the prime state of mind for calculations of any sort. It’s not a power position. And therein lies the extreme benevolence of it. Be tired. Be so tired that you will let the troubles and turmoil wash over you. Be so tired that you will stop measuring the length of your hardship and stop looking for an end.

Fatigue is a gift. When you are tired, you let go. You drop what you no longer need and you do not pick it up again. You slow down. You grow quiet. You take comfort. You appreciate the smallest things. You stop fighting.

In a gentler world, the world we wish for, we would all be too tired to fight. This is perhaps the most precious gift of the maternal world—a world without striving, a world with peace. In our day and time, it is an unclaimed gift. Enjoy it yourself in your own home when you are good and tired.”

GOOD AND TIRED… love it. Putting this in my back pocket.

 

A few more books in my stack

 

Have a wonderful day! xx

Feel free to say hi / comment / send questions x
Jennifer

I love this! As a mother of an almost 2 year old, I quickly learned that my perspective on accomplishments would need to change. Folding laundry or dusting a shelf is nothing compared to spending time with her. Being able to ask (and accept) help is also huge!

[…] and mother-to-be Ashley Kane and I have so enjoyed getting lost on her site over the past week. In one of her recent posts, she reflects on a quote from a parenting book called Momma Zen, in which the author […]