This week, my friend Taylor (who also helps me with photos and creative direction), came over to shoot. We ended up having a big heart to heart before getting started. I was telling her how back in the day when I first started blogging, I didn’t think about stepping foot in front of a camera. It wasn’t so much about me, but more of a collection of things I loved. As of about two years ago I exited my comfort zone and began to pop up more because I realized it was good to showcase how I style things and it personalized my blog a bit more.
The past couple of weeks, I started to feel reluctant about shooting photos of myself. I got sick of throwing together outfits, shooting outside somewhere, etc. That whole process began to feel really unnatural for me and unfulfilling. I’ve always loved capturing raw moments. Documenting pieces of trips, weekend outings, wine dates with friends, etc. Those kinds of photos have always lived on the pages of BoC because they inspire me endlessly. But, I’m usually the one behind the camera for those.
It was then when the golden hour light began to beam through my apartment. We spontaneously picked up the camera and followed the sun leaks, experimenting with each capture, until they disappeared. We went up on the roof for sunset and were mesmerized by the tan-tinged hues cascading the city, and shot some more. I realized those quick shoots we started to do a couple of months back took away from the part I love most about photography. The genuine feeling, story, life in real moments. As strange as this may sound– knowing what effort/love/energy/creativity took place during the behind the scenes of the photo really matters to me. I want to feel proud of myself, rewarded, and know that there was heart put into the creation.
I also have come to terms with I’m actually happy to be in the shot when the focus is the beauty around me. It’s about the color stories and shadows that give me chills. The details. The creativity we get to explore. The story the photo tells. Seeing photos of myself all the time can get a bit old/annoying, however, when it brings back a memory of being in a happy and inspired moment, it’s worth it. I think what I’m trying to say in sharing this, is sometimes shifting your perspective and feeling out what is holding you back, will allow yourself to see clearly, or get your mind back in the right place. Life is about growing, evolving, and learning what works best for you.
Also, navigating self-employment with a job that used to solely be for fun, is an endless learning experience. I’m sure I will run into many other roadblocks that I know I will end up sorting out because I love what I do.
Okay, that is all. Thanks for listening xx
I’m wearing: Modern Citizen Sweatshirt (went a size up) / Gap Jeans (I cut the hems myself) / Freda Salvador Mules / Gucci Sunnies / Missoma London Necklace
Photos captured by Taylor Zahrt, edited by me